Fear and Obstacles

       My greatest fear i face everyday is getting sexually assaulted again. I always feel like it's going to happen again. I'm always paranoid about it. I feel like there is someone always watching me when i'm outside and i don't like it one bit! To be honest i'm really not sure if i'll ever be able to conquer this fear of mine. My second fear is of bugs. I have a phobia of bugs. I can't stand them! They are gross, creepy, and vile little creatures that could give me a disease! Bees, horse flies, head lice, and mosquitoes are the worst! Ew! They just freak me out when they are near me.

      To be honest, I'm not sure if i can look past them to move forward on my journey in life. I live with anxiety everyday thinking i'm going to be a victim again. I always make sure i am safe when i am outside, but it's hard. Most days i'd rather just stay home all day because i know i'll be safe here. However, i do not let that interfere with my life. I go outside for walks, go shopping, go to school, appointments, friends houses, the movies, etc. I just stay alert at all times. Maybe i'll be able to look past my phobia of bugs when i am older, but for now they are gross. I've never liked them! That buzzing noise they make gives me the shrills of disgust! I like spiders because they kill bugs.

        Usually when i am sad or feel afraid i try to think of the three assets of mine. I have a bubbly personality that can always help a friend or family member cheer up. I'm good at making people happy, laugh, and just have a good time. I'm very creative. I love to act, rap, draw, make movies, and write stories. I have fun while doing it, and make people happy from it. Especially when i draw them posters. I'm very loyal. I try my best not to break my promises, and always try to help the people i care most about out. Thinking of these three assets i possess help make me feel better about myself, and not let what i am afraid of bother me.

       I'm not sure why i can't just wake up one day and not be afraid of bugs, and forget about my attack. If i could then i could be fearless. Sadly they are just there and i don't know how to get rid of them. I can't control my fears, but i can help make myself feel safe by thinking of the three assets of mine. That's sort of my way on the healthy process on dealing with my fears. I'm not a baby, i'm a survivor. I'm not a loser, i'm a winner.

The Battle of Fear

Everyday be a struggle

one starts to hussle

back to the game

and it may sound lame

because hope is just a lie

and you might just die

oh my my my

don't stress all the time

because everyone gotta story

and you ain't the only one

question is are you done

thinking it's all about you

with stressing about you

and complaining about you

saying

you won't make it

but you need to quit it

and get with the program

because this is life

so put down the knife

and stand up tall

because you're the mall

you stand tall and large

and let no one get in your way

because that's just fear

and you don't need that dear

so wipe those tears

and say goodbye to all your fears

because you are strong and will go far

It's the battle of fear that you keep inside

so let it all out and rise above

peace.