Personal Legend

              For years I have wondered what exactly is my life's mission in this world. Am I to become a doctor and save the lives of patients? Or am I to become a police officer putting bad guys behind bars? To be honest I am not quite sure what lies ahead for my future. Hopefully good things. I've been having a rough time these past few years and now that it has caused me a mental breakdown and the jeopardy of my grades at school... my goal is to graduate community college, transfer to university to get my bachelors degree in psychology. after that I plan to start my career as a counselor. I believe that this career will help me bring joy and hope to the teenagers and adolescents I would be helping. It would make me feel accomplished with myself and bring positive thoughts toward my soul and well being.

               How do I want to be remembered as? well I suppose someone who was kind hearted, beautiful, bashful, loving and overall a good person. I don't expect to be remembered as a hero like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. or an inventor like Thomas Edison. I just want to be remembered as that girl who didn't care she was always different from everybody else. That girl who would always be willing to help make a person laugh or smile with her witty humor. That girl who wasn't afraid of what others thought of her, and just did what made her happy. I want to be remembered as that girl.

               I want to be happy, its just so hard sometimes. most days I just want to stay in bed and sleep all day. I feel like I've lost my purpose in life. I don't give up on my dreams though. I want to become a counselor. I want to become an actress, and I want to become a loving wife and mother. I currently have a job at the movie theatre so that helps with motivation to get out of bed on the weekends. however, it still isn't enough to help my mind cope with the past trauma of what has happened. I know I need to move on but its just so hard. I don't know why but it has finally taken an effect on my mind and its sad because I have so many opportunities to have fun and explore my mind yet I have so much depression inside. it sucks but I have to make due with what's happened. it is a slow healing process and I'm not giving up yet.

              

My Epitha

 

R.I.P.

 

Here lies Jamie Logan

a woman with great ambition

always had hope

while looking mad dope

never gave up

pinky up

when drinking from a cup

never looked down

never showed a frown

never afraid of a clown

always stayed real

and ready for a meal

favorite color was teal

we will never forget you

your humor and love

forever in our hearts

 

 

 

 

 

 



            

workplace gratitude

                       


               The only place I have worked before was at the Revere Recreation Center. It was a seasonal a job in the summer and I have done it for two years now. Our job is to watch kids in a local park from 10am-2pm. My first year doing it wasn't good. I loved the kids they weren't the problem! It was the teens I worked with! Ugh they were horrible! Only two of them were nice and they were barley there. Everybody else would always talk crap about me when I wasn't there... Like really you are all how old now hahaha? I just seems where ever I go there Is someone who has a big issue with me. I'm starting to get sick of it! This summer (my second year) there was much better! I switched parks and the teens were much nicer! I wasn't the only teen playing with the kids too! They would ask or volunteer if a kid asked and that made me happy to see that they weren't selfish like the other vermin I had to work with.

              Cooperation in my opinion is very important in the work force. You know that old saying that not everybody is going to like you in this world and that's dead on true! Sadly you are going to have to work with people you don't like in this world. But you know what, you can do it! if I could do it so can you. Just forget about the drama and put yourself first. Be the mature one. Don't let someone else make you feel uncomfterbal. This is the real world now, don't coward down or let someone walk over you. Never show fear, show that you don't care and that you are strong. Usually it's jealousy and that's why they don't like you. There will be people who like you and that's when you can be yourself while getting the job down.

               I just got hired to work for a company called eworks at the Revere Showcase Cinema. All I have to do is go up to people and ask them if they want to take a quick survey to help benefit movies. I got to meet three of the teens there and they seemed very nice, and professional. If we work together then we can help eworks get the information/feedback on others opinions to help benefit the movies. I look forward to my job training this Friday and finally getting to have a real job that makes money. I feel very comfortable about taking this job, and confident. I suppose my gratitude comes in play here. I am grateful to now have a paying job that won't be temporary. I am grateful that I get to meet new people. And I am also grateful to help make a difference.



For this week's poem, please write a 16+ line hip hop resume.  Many rap songs are about frontin' the skills, the bling, the talent.  Think of the key words and phrases you included in your elevator speech.  Write a rap that highlights your specific skills, talents, and experiences - as if an employer were going to give you a job based on your rhyming ability.

Hip hop Resume

 

Give me your all

throw me that ball

I got it all

Skills, hobbies,

name it

&

I frame it

I got that time

and I be makin that dime

from all the hard work

to all the accomplishments

I got this here 

called life 

now listen close

cause i'm the wife

& that there sir

means I call the shots

there ain't no dots

because i'm organized

at all costs

honest

sincere

outgoing

serious

you name it

&

BANG

it came

here's my kit

it'll tell ya a tale

that ain't about no male

but a girl who be getting things

 done

then none

she got big dreams

then picking teams

showing off that

ambition in the stars

that ain't comming from mars

drivin by in cars

livin life to the fullest

never the dullest

success is the key

to me

&

now

wow

is it time already

for me to come alive

and not apologize

to the ones who couldn't see me

for this is my time

to

wine

&

dine

but

I got responsibilities

and that comes with trust

so mr. you must

hire me

choose me

to be on your team

cause with me you'll never believe

at how far you will get

and what was never met

because I gotchu man

i'm in it

to win it

I came to win

&

I never give up

now tell me what's up?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





The Wider Path

                                     

Story 1:

          Describe your ideal future.  This is the one that you strive to get to.  It's plan A.  The dream job.  Where you want to live.  How many children (if any) you want to have.  Your big break.  Your ideal financial situation.  Be creative and describe the scene. Imagine yourself in this place - all your hard work paid off.  You did exactly what you set out to do. After finishing two years of community college at Bunker Hill, I ended up transferring to UMASS Boston and got my Bachelor's degree in Psychology. I end up starting my career in a Cambridge public High School as a social worker for teenagers. In my spare time I would participate in the college's drama club, since I graduated now, I joined a local theatre in Boston. Pretty much my career status will be counseling and acting on the side. I plan on still living in Massachusetts, either Revere still or Boston, Cambridge area. Possibly Maine?  I'll make sure to have a car and licensee by then since I now have a paying job. One amazing day I will meet my handsome prince either at work, one of my performances, or just randomly out in public. We will fall in love and spend the rest of our lives together. I plan on having four kids. Two girls and two boys: Juliana, Major, Noelle (Know lee), and Logan Matthew. My kids will NOT be attending Revere Public School's or private schools! I want the best for them!

              As my acting hobby on the side of my career, one day I get discovered by a director from LA who is interested in making me a star. I don't want to become Lady GaGa, Princess Diana famous. I want Molly Tarlov's fame level. She plays a bitchy school girl on MTV's show AWKWARD. A lot of people know who she is, but she doesn't get the press constantly following her around like The Kardashians, or Britney Spears do. So now I will be making more money for me and my family as an actress and counselor. I can see myself now chillen in a big beautiful brick house with a swimming pool in the backyard with a jaquizie, tree house in the front yard with a big fence. Cuddling next to my cute Pit bull dog watching Hey Arnold re runs on a big screen TV, with my family in my big parlor with a huge fire place on to keep us toasty. We are safe, happy, and well supported with my money and the money my husband will make from his career.

Story 2: 
                As I walk out of the Boston Wilbur theater from m performance, I hear this crying noise. I look around until I find this little helpless pug on the side walk. It didn't have a collar, or any scratches on it. I picked the pug up to examine it to see what was wrong with it, and I found out it was a girl. I believe she was abandoned by her previous owner because she was too clean to be a stray. I decided to take her home with me. I put her in my big Coach bag in the passengers seat of my car and brought her home. I named Vanellopie from Wreck it Ralph. We become great companions and I take her on sets when acting. The twist with having Vanellopie in my life is that she replaces my pit bull, which is fine. As long as I have a beautiful, loyal, friendly dog by my side I am happy.

Story 3: 
                I wake up one morning for class, I walk out the door and this limo pulls up next to me. As the window rolls down it is my idol Chanel West Coast. She recognizes me from her concert at The Middle East in Boston and asks me to hop in. Obviously I do! "Hi Jamie you interested in helping me out?" She asks me to help her fame get out in Revere for a movie she is going to star in. She gives me $10000 to get the attention. We go to the football stadium in Revere and blasts on the speakers her music. I am getting paid mad money to help promote her! At the end of the week she tells me to star in the movie with her! We go to Hollywood together and I become her new best friend a long with a new celebrity in Cali! Rob Dyrdek buys a giant mansion and invites us both to live with him along with the rest of his Fantasy Factory crew. I get paid to do crazy stunts like skydiving, bungee jumping, motor cycle stunts with Rob, raps with Chanel, movies in Hollywood, modeling for Young&Reckless clothing by Rob's cousin, and just for being on TV!

This was the happiest night of my life meeting my idol Chanel West Coast, I got her to autograph two posters, and her album. She knows me by my first name because that's her mommy's name. "Aww Jamie you are so sweet it was so nice to meet you! I'll never forget your name! Enjoy Your night and get home safe!" - Chelsea Dudley (Chanel West Coast) 12/2/13

 

Ahead

 

I'm on this path

Where there's no math

Just pure will

No need to kill

No need to stress

Worry

Cry

or

 Die

Because it's coming my way

What?

Everything i want.

Money

Love

Health

Peace

&

Happiness

I got this!

Don't hiss

But kiss

Don't lie

but eat pie

Just stay open

Believe

Trust

&

love

Lot's of love

Because i'm a dove

I fly with

the

stars

&

the skies

Nicki Minaj status there

Do I dare?

To take that step

What step?

The step to

Success

Hard work

Scholarships

Promotions

Achievements

Goals

Yes

I do take that dare

Sounds fair.

 

I Made It

 

 

 

 

        All of these represent me and my future. I will be free to fly my wings and do what I wish to accomplish on my behalf. I'm a dreamer, a survivor, an enthusiast, I am Jamie Logan. No man will tear me down from who I am. I plan to go far in the world. This is who I am and where I expect to go in this world. I'm not throwing in the towel yet. I didn't put up pictures of where I will live, work or who I will be acquainted with because I don't know. I don't know what my house will look like, or who I will be working for. So I chose these images because they describe the kind of person I am and that is what matters most. Only I can take myself far in life, which I plan to.

 

My Crystal Ball

 

I see a girl

no

a young woman

she has ambition

strength

beauty

&

hope

yes hope

hope for a future

a change

yes

I can see it now

the fire burning strong

 in her eyes

filled with

want

desire

confidence

& such

passion

her day is coming

when

no one knows for sure

time isn't the issue

she's a ticking bomb

about to blow you away

like

BOOM!

who knows when the bomb will activate

when she's ready

you will know

as of her

I see good things coming

money

health

success

joy

freedom

knowledge

&

LOVE

this is my future

what's in your crystal ball?

Passion



Write a three paragraph journal that answers the following questions about your passions:
1.  What are you most passionate about in life?  Describe several interests and activities that you greatly enjoy.  What is it that you wish you could do everyday for the rest of your life?
2.  How can you tie your passions to a career, a job, or a volunteer experience?  What can you do to connect your passion with your career?
3.  Think about service.  What type of population, group of people, market, or field of interest would you like to serve?  What cause would you be willing to work for?  Explain how your passion and your work could benefit others.  Think of it as providing a service, and explain.

                   I have many passions! I love to draw and create life on paper. Recently I have been drawing tattoo designs. I feel passionate when I write creative stories. I feel as if my dreams are coming true the more I type or write down my thoughts. I love to perform on stage in front of tons of people. Whether I am acting, or rapping, I enjoy the spotlight along with being in someone else's shoes. Shopping I am always passionate about by changing my look, and finding awesome clothes/fashions to rock! I enjoy just taking it easy some days by watching my favorite shows like Law & Order Special Victims Unit, Monk, American Horror story Coven, The Boondocks, South Park, The Simpsons, The Cleveland Show, and of course Degrassi! If I could choose to do something for the rest of my life it would be all of this hahaha!

                  I can tie my passions to a counseling career job. Why? I love the psychology, sociology field. I find it very interesting, and I will enjoy it. It is always good to have a job that you enjoy doing, along with going to everyday. I will be able to help teens and kids open up their feelings and express them out where people won't judge. People can care, listen, show respect, and show that that person can trust and believe again. Counseling doesn't have to be a private thing. This class would help kids stay positive and give them a motive to get out there in the world, and make something of themselves.

                 I would be serving to adolecents, teens, and kids. I could work for school's, Boston Area Rape Crisis Center, MGH Clinics, any where from Revere, Boston, or Cambridge MA. My passion is to help others who have lost their way, and have a broken wing. I wanna heal the mind and heart of others. Two very delicate parts in a human's body. I will make sure to give my all to my patients, and help them heal.  My work can help others benefit by giving them hope and a strong will. That strong will can help them get far in life by knowing they can do whatever they want by believing in themselves. I can really see myself making a positive difference in others lives. It's good to help others and show them that there is someone out there in this big cold world that cares what they have to say. Not everyone is going to be like that. With me in the picture, they have that benefit.
                   

  

My Love <3

 

Do you feel that?

That adrenalin?

It's slowly flowing

pumping

through my veins

You're my addiction

My muse

My world

my everything.

I walk to find you.

Doesn't matter where I am in this world.

I will find you.

Do you hear that?

You're calling me.

Oh how I crave for you

Your lovely scent

Your oh so bittersweet soul

Your soft smooth surface

as you melt inside my moulth

Such texture

Such perfection.

Such taste.

best part is

you are all mine

never will I share!

I am your puppet

You control my mind

It doesn't matter what day

or time

I will be there

I shall devour your soul

my reeses

my reeses

you are my passion

you won my heart

you won my mortality

I am yours always forever as we dance with the devil tonight.

 

 

 

 

 

The Alchemist Wrap up

   

                 My opinion on The Alchemist's plot in the book is that it is about a young boy named Santiago, whose dream is to go see the pyramids. The whole book is about him going to the pyramids on his long, stressful journey. The thesis in the book to me is to never give up. "Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." - Hilary Duff. One of my favorite quotes in the world makes sense to this book's thesis because it is saying that if you have a dream don't give up on it. Don't be afraid to get out there and find that dream. I feel that this suits the thesis of the book along with Santiago's personality quite well.

                One part of the story that hit me would be when Santiago met this guy that said he could help him get to the pyramids. Santiago openly trusts this stranger and goes with him into the market for a trade. However, the stranger deceives Santiago and leaves him there stranded. This bothered me most because it just proves that you can't trust everybody. I learned from this to be more careful. Just because someone says they can help you achieve something, doesn't mean you should rely on them. You need to rely on yourself and not put yourself in a dangerous situation. This relates to an experience of mine. I asked my friend to meet me at the mall, she said she will. Once i get there she cancels on me. I am stuck! I had no ride home and had to wait an extra three hours for my dad to pick me up and give me the biggest lecture ever on making better plans, and not relying on others.

                  I didn't enjoy reading the book. I didn't like it at all. I found it to be very boring, long, and drawn out. I see why people would enjoy reading this book, but it's not really my kind of story. I like reading books that get right to the point and have a good ending to it. I have always enjoyed the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series. So i guess you could say i enjoy comedies more.

                  Would i recommend this book to someone else? Well that depends on my friends. There are the ones that never read, the ones who enjoy anime manga things or the ones who are obsessed with Edger Allen Poe. If a conversation about books ever comes up i will bring up this book. Who knows one of them might like it. All i know is it isn't me. Oh well i kept an open mind on it.

                 

 

Dreams

 

 

Do they exist?

Or not exist?

That is the question.

Dreams have meaning.

They could be anything.

Desire

Passion

Lust

Goals

Wealth

Fame

Health

Anything your heart desires

is a dream.

Do you have a dream?

Do I have a dream?

Yes.

When you have a dream

You grasp it.

Go for it.

If you don't,

If I don't

then it won't happen

make it happen

become one with yourself

Your true self

that which must you become

or else

what's the point of living?

Dream BIG!

 



Gratitude

           We all need to stop and think for a second. All of us obviously don't live like Bill Gates or Kourtney Kardashian; living the dream life without ever having to worry about financial problems. However, we all take things for granted. There are people who wish they could be in our shoes everyday. People who live in homeless shelters, live in foreign countries like Africa or The Philippines. They wish they could be us. Have a place to call home, nice clothes to wear, an education, good health, insurance, money, FOOD, a job, a family, a car, and the list goes on. We take things for granted everyday.

            What do I tend to take for granted? A lot of things. I wish i had more clothes, and technology in my house. I also wish i had more money. sometimes i don't realize how good i actually have it here. Like i said before, there are tons of people who would trade places with me in seconds! I have a really nice life and i need to appreciate it that more instead of look at the negative sides of it. Actually, everybody in America who lives good takes things for granted. Someone who doesn't appreciate their mother cleaning up after them, or a friend going out of their way to make them a birthday card. Don't forget that one grandparent who sends you money every Christmas with a letter. One day you won't have that anymore and you will look back and realize wow i took that for granted.

            What am i grateful for? I am grateful for the family i live with and the nice big warm house. I am most thankful for the beautiful clothes i own, along with the room i sleep in. The food my dad brings home, and my mom cooks every night for dinner. I am grateful for my health, and beauty along with my education and advantage to go to school everyday. I am thankful for the things my dad pays for me like my tuition, cellphone bill, medicine, food, birthday and Christmas presents. One more thing that i am grateful for is being alive. Life is a very precious thing that i think everybody takes for granted. A lot of people commit suicide everyday. I for one will not. I was born for a reason i am going to live my life and become a glorious person.

Gratitude Haiku 

Life is important

Thank the people around you

 Never give up hope

Fear and Obstacles

       My greatest fear i face everyday is getting sexually assaulted again. I always feel like it's going to happen again. I'm always paranoid about it. I feel like there is someone always watching me when i'm outside and i don't like it one bit! To be honest i'm really not sure if i'll ever be able to conquer this fear of mine. My second fear is of bugs. I have a phobia of bugs. I can't stand them! They are gross, creepy, and vile little creatures that could give me a disease! Bees, horse flies, head lice, and mosquitoes are the worst! Ew! They just freak me out when they are near me.

      To be honest, I'm not sure if i can look past them to move forward on my journey in life. I live with anxiety everyday thinking i'm going to be a victim again. I always make sure i am safe when i am outside, but it's hard. Most days i'd rather just stay home all day because i know i'll be safe here. However, i do not let that interfere with my life. I go outside for walks, go shopping, go to school, appointments, friends houses, the movies, etc. I just stay alert at all times. Maybe i'll be able to look past my phobia of bugs when i am older, but for now they are gross. I've never liked them! That buzzing noise they make gives me the shrills of disgust! I like spiders because they kill bugs.

        Usually when i am sad or feel afraid i try to think of the three assets of mine. I have a bubbly personality that can always help a friend or family member cheer up. I'm good at making people happy, laugh, and just have a good time. I'm very creative. I love to act, rap, draw, make movies, and write stories. I have fun while doing it, and make people happy from it. Especially when i draw them posters. I'm very loyal. I try my best not to break my promises, and always try to help the people i care most about out. Thinking of these three assets i possess help make me feel better about myself, and not let what i am afraid of bother me.

       I'm not sure why i can't just wake up one day and not be afraid of bugs, and forget about my attack. If i could then i could be fearless. Sadly they are just there and i don't know how to get rid of them. I can't control my fears, but i can help make myself feel safe by thinking of the three assets of mine. That's sort of my way on the healthy process on dealing with my fears. I'm not a baby, i'm a survivor. I'm not a loser, i'm a winner.

The Battle of Fear

Everyday be a struggle

one starts to hussle

back to the game

and it may sound lame

because hope is just a lie

and you might just die

oh my my my

don't stress all the time

because everyone gotta story

and you ain't the only one

question is are you done

thinking it's all about you

with stressing about you

and complaining about you

saying

you won't make it

but you need to quit it

and get with the program

because this is life

so put down the knife

and stand up tall

because you're the mall

you stand tall and large

and let no one get in your way

because that's just fear

and you don't need that dear

so wipe those tears

and say goodbye to all your fears

because you are strong and will go far

It's the battle of fear that you keep inside

so let it all out and rise above

peace.

A Day in the Life of Me

                            Every morning is the same. I wake up to my alarm clock and immediately feel nauseous. Some mornings i throw up. Others, i just get pains in my left side of the stomach area. It sucks to have an anxiety disorder. People really don't know how good they have it until it's gone. Your health is very valuable. I wish i was healthy so i could enjoy huge ihop breakfasts. Instead my morning breakfasts have to be cereal or oatmeal. Which get very boring after a while. Yesterday, October 8, 2013, I couldn't attend my Reading class at Bunker Hill, because of all the throwing up i was doing. Sleep was the only thing that helped. I slept from seven A.M. til twelve P.M. My stomach felt more calm, so i decided to get ready for my four o'clock therapy appointment. I went from looking like a dying patient to a lovely teenager. All thanks to makeup and style.

                            I grabbed my purse and head out the door to the Mass General Hospital. I planned on taking the bus to the train station there, turns out i had just missed it. Drats! If i wanted to take the next bus it would come in a half hour. Seriously? A half hour for a bus. That's crazy! I was afraid i was going to be late for the appointment, because i only had twenty minutes left to arrive there. I power walked my way there to the train station and got off at the second stop to where the hospital is located, and i made it just in time. Few! So i talked to my therapist about how I've been feeling, and what's been bothering me. I always struggle with my anxiety from past events, like my attack i mentioned in a previous post. I'm currently taking anti depressants now to help decrease my stress and fear.

                            After that appointment, i had to go to a group night. It's where i go for counseling. It's called the Boston Area Rape Crisis Center. Barcc for short. Group night i always look forward to attending, because i get to meet other teenagers who have gone through a similar situation i have. I get to hear their stories, understand that i'm not alone, and get to meet wonderful people who are here today. My counselor is amazing. She runs group night and helps us talk about our fears, and finding happiness from it all. Since it's around dinner time when we all attend there, she buys us pizza, salad, soda, and candy so were're not there hungry. She's very kind, noble, and understanding. She has been helping me since January, 2013. She has helped inspire me to become a counselor for teens.  

                            Group always ends at seven, so after my long day of  opening myself up to two different therapists, i got to take the train home and relax. I was so happy that my stomach felt better than from what is was earlier in the day. To be honest, that pizza was the only real food i had had that whole day. Scary, i know. I lost a lot of weight because of my anxiety disorder. I went from being 140 pounds to 102. i feel disgusted with myself. Especially every time i look at myself in the mirror. I shouldn't look like this. This isn't me. I want to look heavier. The throwing up doesn't help the situation at all! It only makes it worse, yet there's nothing I can do about it. I just have to wait until my metabolism slows down. Once i get home i get into my pajamas, and watch Law and Order Special Victim's Unit, while messaging some friends on my phone.

                            I didn't go to bed til 12:15 A.M. It takes me a while to fall asleep, because i just have so many thoughts racing through my head at once. It's hard to comprehend some of them at times. They can be either pleasant or unpleasant. Sadly i can't control them. Another flaw attached towards my anxiety disorder. I pretty much just lay there until i drift away. That's one of the day's i usually go through. No i don't always miss my classes because of my stomach, happens occasionally. Never frequently! Some days i go out, hang with friends, go on dates, do homework, watch movies, or draw. Yesterday was just blah. I enjoy talking out my feelings, but i didn't like how i had to do both appointments on one day where i was sick. So yeah this is what it was like for a day to be me. What's your day like?

                                                 

When I stop, I notice...

                                                                 When I stop, I notice...

The clouds move,

the birds chirp,

the waves crash,

the railroad tracks raddle,

The cars beep,

the sewer leaks,

the sun shines,

the squirrels leap,

the phones ring,

the leaves from the trees blow pass me in the wind,

the sky changes color,

But,

the people keep going,

they don't stop,

unless they have the signal,

to drive,

or

to walk,

one can only imagine where they are headed,

work,

school,

home,

the mall,

the park,

the movies,

the market,

the hospital,

anywhere,

when i stop, i notice...

it doesn't matter where they go,

what matters is where i go,

what path am i on,

what are my goals,

what are my plans,

what can i do to better myself,

i ask,

only i know the answer,

I live in the moment,

i feel the moment,

do you?

A Blessing in Disguise

            You would think when someone first says the word "blessing", they are talking about religion. That's not entirely true. Some people that don't believe in god still have some sort of faith they believe in, and that would be themselves. I believe in god, I feel  that he exists in my heart, and he is here to help me become a better person. I've gone through a lot of rough situations, such as the bullying, family deaths, my sexual assault, my anxiety disorder, ptsd, and stomach problems. I always tell myself though that others have it worse. There is always other people out there who have gone through a worse situation than I have. I shouldn't always feel so pessimistic, and down on myself. What happened, happened. I can't change my past I can only change my future by being a better person. My recent breakup with Eddie has been a real rough situation for me. It's been nothing but drama since June. We were constantly on, and off. I just couldn't take it anymore i'm glad it's finally over. Was i depressed on how we can't be together? Yes, incredibly depressed. I couldn't stop crying and shaking from it. The weird thing is though, Eddie is a blessing in disguise. How? It's because he helped me realize a lot of things about myself. I alchemize the situation as seeing this as a learning experience.

             I first met Eddie in the end of April 2013, at my best friend Chris's house. We instantly clicked. We both just connected with each other. We started talking more, and then just started dating. It was like a miracle for me. I finally found a guy who was going to save me from this constant nightmare of fear i face everyday from my last experience. He would take me to the movies, the beach, the mall, and tell me how much he loved me, and how i was  blessing to him. He was dating this girl who use to hit him, yell at him, cheat on him. You name it she did it. She as nothing but a witch. He would say i was his gift from god he prayed for to have him find a girl who wouldn't hurt him, and only love him. I was falling in love with him. He was everything i desired my prince to be. Sadly, the fairy tale came to an end. He went back to his abusive ex girlfriend. It was nonstop drama from there on. Ugh the threats  the nasty messages i would get from him his friends her and his sister.. Ridiculous! It was just too much i couldn't take it anymore! They broke up twice this summer and he came back to me saying how he missed me, and wanted to be with me. Just more lies, and scars on my heart. He did it again. Left me for her. I really thought Eddie was just confused. In early September he hung himself in his room. He didn't die, the rope broke. I was praying for him during that time that he would get better, and that god would protect him. Maybe my prayer was answered that night? He came to Revere telling me how he's never going to talk to her again, and that he was thinking about dating again with me. Turns out it was just another lie. He blew me off for two weeks to go hang out with her. I messaged him saying he lied to me, and that i want my two designer hoodies back, that i let him borrow. He yelled at me saying he never led me on that day.. He held my hand, grabbed be by the waste, took me out for lunch, asked me to sit on his lap to hold me as i held his hand, and asked about dating again in the future... He called e a liar and then had his witch of an ex started sending me nasty messages threatening me. I just want my two designer hoodies back or seriously i think i should involve the police because this is ridiculous. I haven't done any wrong. All i did was just try and love him, and help him. This is the thanks i get. I hate feeling this way. He's become one of my new fears. I'm afraid of him. He went from being my prince to a nightmare. How could someone just do this?

              When my friend Will comes back from Florida, he told me he would take me up to Beverly MA, to get my two designer hoodies back. My feelings for Eddie are gone. I now see that he wasn't a prince. Just a lesson learned experience. Even though there was so much that went on, this was actually a good thing that happened. It's helped me want to become a stronger person, and not just fall for the guy i first meet. I feel like just starting new with myself. I want to get a makeover. I want to dye my hair the little mermaid red color, get tattoos, buy more forever 21 clothes. I want a sexy bad-ass look that says you can't mess with me. I've just learned not to put up my walls or have them all down. Instead i created a draw bridge that allows people i care about and trust into my world. I also learned how i can't keep putting others needs before mine. This was my blessing in disguise, what's yours?

"Never let the fear of striking out keep from playing the game." - Hilary Duff <3

#RipJeddieLee

Psychological Alchemy

We’re always going through changes, 

a metamorphosis,

growing up a bit, 

 Rugrats to Law & Order,

and constantly evolving,

Pikachu to Raichu.

Everyday we learn more about ourselves,

whether it's from nature,

the people around us,

or just apart of the metamorphosis,

we live,

we laugh,

we love,

we grow,

we become one with ourselves,

were whole,

not everyone is going to like us,

everyone sees things in a different perspective,

what do you see when you look in a mirror,

a lion,

a tiger,

a bear,

oh my

it's you,

the self you've created,

the image you want to be seen as,

we are who we are,

and were here to stay,

become one with nature,

and ourselves.